who should i address this to?

It’s not like there is anyone reading this. It’s not like I’m aiming for eyes. But this did strike me right now. I wanted to write. I wanted to put something down. I watched a lot of talking heads this morning. Eloquent, insightful, hopeful, frightened. I’ve never been talking head. Yet. A writing hand though. To understand for myself. To find myself for a moment in the sinking dread.

It’s part of practicing gratitude. I’ve written to a number of people I love and told them I love them. It led to lovely conversations and a few tears (on this side, at least). It’s a reminder that you are always creating the world you’re living in. You hope that authenticity, hope beyond hope, reaches out, touches someone, touches some, grows. Seeds in a field, water, sun. Growth.

Which brings us to this. This little missive into oblivion. Who’s this for? For me, sure. But today, as I pulled out my laptop a thought popped into my head, “Who’s the audience?” You’re often asked that when writing, or performing, or monologuing, or living. I haven’t asked that yet with this blog. Starting and continuing were the main requirements. Today though, my brain, maybe my heart, wanted to know, “Who the fuck you talkin' to, Chris?”

So to my child...

The little guy. My nugget. Nuggarino. The goof. This day feels bad. It’s a moment feared, one I thought we wouldn’t see. The outcomes are uncertain. Pain follows, destruction, anxiety, worry. It may seem bleak. It does seem bleak. But this morning as the sun rose on a new day, you laughed and asked for harder hugs. More hugs. There’s a light each person can bring to the world. There’s a great deal of fear and anger and doubt and much of the time that may seem like it will overwhelm all that is good. But have hope, buddy. Have faith that light lies at the end of all things.

The next step, those beyond the acceptance of what is, is to ready ourselves to fight for those things we believe in. This is character. This is the soul of the person. Ultimately, does your arrow bend towards justice and good or an overwhelming grief?

I don’t know what tomorrow will look like. I do know I’ll try my best to approach whatever comes with vigilance for the things I believe all people deserve: respect, care, and kindness. How that will play out is anyone’s guess. To quote my very good friend, who has often quoted Tolkein to me:

“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.

"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”