two places at once

I’m certain the idea stems from some profound ancient teaching, but for me, this beautiful awakening of the mind was provided by Elizabeth Gilbert on a podcast during the press tour for her book Big Magic. The gist is as follows: it is possible to hold two opposing ideas at the same time and not have them in conflict, accepting them both.

Woof.

I am blissfully happy right now and also extremely anxious. Both of those things exist in equal amounts. I find myself staring at some birds lifting off a phone wire into the sky and just being grateful. The next moment I’m obsessively doom-scrolling to try and control an unpredictable future, one which I don’t have much control over.

In me, there’s some peace, but it sure as fuck doesn’t feel healthy. I’m probably a little more stoned than I’ve been in a while. This isn’t "bad," per se, because there's been some really good music released this year. It’s also not good because I don’t want to build a wall between me and my emotions or me and the people I love.

I want to believe there’s a moment soon when a shift may occur. Where an even greater balance might be struck. But as I’ve aged and gained more experience and on the boots on the ground knowledge, I have to recognize that I also have to breathe through these difficult emotions and then make the decisions that keep me healthy, in body and mind.

Woof.